"...there shall not be room enough to receive it."

This is going to be a long post, but I feel I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the Lord's guiding and benevolent hand in my life.

Malachi 3:10 speaks about tithing and the promised blessings: "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."

Since going back to school this last January, blessings have indeed been poured out of the windows of heaven, so much so that I haven't had room enough to receive them. I had to choose this summer between two very great opportunities for work, without really having to apply for any of them. I didn't have room enough to receive both of them.

Then I received two large scholarships that have enabled me to not take out as many student loans. Luckily I've had room enough to receive these...

Also, these past couple weeks it's been like the blessings machine has malfunctioned and they're coming at me left and right so fast that I hope I'm not missing any. (I don't think the Lord will fault me if I miss one or two since I'm earnestly looking to receive any I can...) Talk about instant gratification.

A week ago Friday I prayed for an opportunity to jump start my spiritual growth again. Within 24 hours I got a call from a friend asking me to teach the Relief Society lesson on Sunday. I had a great feeling about it, and without thinking of the logical aspects of being really busy, I jumped at the chance and said, "Yes! I'd love to! Thank you!" (For me, preparing a lesson is a big spiritual feast...I'm ambivalent about the purveying of the lesson...) It was a great experience.

Then a few days later, I was praying to understand how I could build upon the solid foundation of Christ. After praying, I opened the Ensign to begin reading, since I've been trying to be more regular about reading my scriptures and the Ensign. Without expecting an answer, I started reading Elder Dallin H. Oaks talk "Sacrament Meeting and the Sacrament" and rejoiced out loud when my answer came clear as day a minute later.

"'And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day.' (D&C 59:9) This is a commandment with a promise. By participating weekly and appropriately in the ordinance of the sacrament we qualify for the promise that we will “always have his Spirit to be with [us]” (D&C 20:77). That Spirit is the foundation of our testimony. It testifies of the Father and the Son, brings all things to our remembrance, and leads us into truth. It is the compass to guide us on our path. This gift of the Holy Ghost, President Wilford Woodruff taught, “is the greatest gift that can be bestowed upon man” (Deseret Weekly, Apr. 6, 1889, 451)."

I've also been worried about hurting the Church by people seeing me stand up for my beliefs and thinking negatively about the gospel. The speaker at church on Sunday requested that we go home and read Elder Robert D. Hales' conference talk "Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship." Later that night, I worried some more about hurting the church and started praying. I was reminded of the counsel to read this talk (again, not making the connection to what I had been praying about...) This talk is wonderful. It offered me so much hope and answered so many questions. I felt like Elder Hales was telling me directly, "Don't worry, you have not and cannot hurt the true Gospel."

And today I had a great talk with my professor that I've been working for this quarter. Since this summer, I have been really stressed out about Grad school and have just felt "ich" about everything. (I know, I need to concentrate on finishing my BS first...) After talking to my professor, she put into words (without knowing it) everything that had been bothering me. And I realized the Spirit was telling me all along that the things I had been told this summer were wrong for me. As soon as my professor offered another option (without realizing she was doing so) I suddenly felt light and good. Oh, and I pretty much got an assured acceptance into Grad School at Cal Poly through her. Even more peace flooded through me.

I have worked actively to attain goals that I have wanted. I have not left it all up to the Lord to "steer a parked car". But I have also been relying heavily on the Lord to direct my footsteps. I am a planner (why else would I have the next four to 10 years of my life mapped out already?) but I'm getting better at saying, "Lord, I am going to take the best step I can, and please blow my footstep toward where you want it to go, not where I think it should go." And blessings have indeed been poured out to such an extent I feel full, that I can't receive any more. And more I do receive.

My question is, how many blessings did I let slip by before because I was too scared or wasn't willing to close the distance between his extended hand and my own?